Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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