Nicole vs. Life
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
