fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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