how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
