butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
