...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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