Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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