hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
