Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
