im six kinds of drunk right now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
