Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize