Who did Billy Mays play for?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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