Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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