he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize