i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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