If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
