she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
