weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
