i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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