They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
