You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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