there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
