so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
