I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
