I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
