hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
