He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
