Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's just like the Real World with babies
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
