Non-Jews are for practice
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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