she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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