I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How external is "for external use only"?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
