I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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