i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
