Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You left your phone here
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