Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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