"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i believe in u and ur pee
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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