I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
