she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
