I think scott just propositioned me for sex
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
