Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
