your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We named our party play list daddy issues
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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