Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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