whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Farmville is her only friend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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