You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
