you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
