There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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