She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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