Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
