Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
