i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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