bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
