i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
