So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
