i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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