You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
