how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
