we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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