What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
