How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
