All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
