i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
