come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
