my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
