he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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