You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize