The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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