I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
