I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
