Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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