are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
