I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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