Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize