I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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