You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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