It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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