Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
