I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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