I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
