I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I touched a dick in church today
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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