One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
