ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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