I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
