I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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