its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
